From Woo Girl to Woo Woo Girl
Do you ever look back on your university years and cringe just a little bit? I was your classic "Woo" girl to quote my then favourite show How I Met Your Mother. I drank too much, lived my life through other people's perceptions of me, and tried too hard to fit in just so I would have friends. So how did this woo girl turn woo woo?
After university, the lustre of heading to a club to dance the night away, blacking out and ending up at the 24hour diner called Fran's kind of wore me out. I didn't want to wake up to the shame spiral of remembering I danced on top of a table, made out with my boyfriend on the dancefloor and peed in an alley on the way home.
Of course, at some point, everyone thinks the hammered girl crying in the club bathroom they just consoled is going to be a lifelong friend. But alas, we sober up and realize we didn't even get each other's names or contact information.
Soon my sober Friday nights brought along the realization that the people I had spent the majority of my adult life with, weren't even my actual friends. Once the alcohol was gone, so was the conversation. I was too busy wooing that I never had the chance to form meaningful lasting friendships. It was in those moments I started my journey of self-reflection.
I started to ask myself things like: What friendships of mine are truly authentic? What about those friendships do I enjoy? What is different about the good friendships and the bad ones? The answer wasn't about the friends at all. The answer was about me. I bet every single drunk girl I had a conversation with was amazing, but the friendship didn't last. Why? Because I wasn't present. I wasn't my authentic self. How could I expect to have lasting friendships when I was only showing one side of myself. Who were my true friends? They were the ones that had been around since kindergarten. The ones that I was my authentic self with before self-doubt and fitting in were even on my mind. From there I dug deeper. I tapped into myself. I reached within and did the soul work.
Why wasn't I being true to myself? Why was I dimming my light so others could feel more comfortable around me? What was I afraid of? I was afraid others would think I was weird. I didn't want to be "too much". I didn't want to let people in, in fear of rejection. There is no doubt about it, I am the loud girl, I have energy, I am "too much". But I also need to recharge, be still and quiet. So that is what I did. I recharged. I sat in my stillness. I breathed through the quiet. I asked myself who I wanted to be around. What vibe did I want to surround myself with? What kind of people did I want to lift me up? The answer was clear. I wanted people like me. I wanted high energy. I wanted weird. I wanted confidence. I wanted friends who were true to themselves. I wanted friends that raised me up, took me to new places, showed me new things. When I realized what I wanted in a friend, is what I wanted in myself, the game changed. Life changed. I stepped in and raised my vibration. I threw myself into the weird and started following my heart. I took up interests that fascinated me, even if no one else understood. My light was shining bright and it attracted the people into my life that are still here today. My friends are a reflection of me and that is why I choose carefully. I am too much. I am too much love, I am too much empathy, I am too much heart. I am too much and I am leaning into that. I am Nastassja and I will always be a woo girl, but I woo to a new vibe now, surrounded by yoga, crystals, mediums, spirits, tarot cards, horoscopes, chakras, meditation and amazing people whom I love. To my readers, don't dim your light for others. Brighten it, let it shine to its maximum strength. Not only will this brighten your path, but it will help light the way for others who are behind you, struggling to light their own flame. Namaste